Monday, December 27, 2010

LATINGA





I think this was a highlight of the trip. If you are not familiar with it, the ferry ride between Playa del Carmen on the mainland of the Mayan Riviera and San Miguel on Cozumel Island is trying, at best. Some time between the last time I was there and now they have bought fancy new boats, which they now charge quite a hefty sum for the pleasure of sailing on. Before that, the ferries were open-air, single-hull monsters with some metal benches and several metal buckets at the end of each row for people to puke into as they made the 40-minute journey across, pitching and tossing on this glorified cargo boat. The new boats are all fancy inside, with comfy seats, air conditioning which gets turned on SOMETIMES (but not for the 10am sailing we were on), one bathroom, and a person who goes around passing out little black bags for people to puke into, because the fancy new boat pitches just as much as the rickety old boats did. Why, you ask would any fool undertake this journey?

Because it is worth a cab ride, fighting through ferry lineups, emptying your stomache on the ferry, and the Scamapalooza of San Miguel to spend a few short hours on Cozumel. In case you've never heard me wax on about it endlessly, if you can rent motorized transportation and get yourself to the Caribbean side of Cozumel, total paradise awaits you, with the best vistas, empty beaches, adorable places to eat, fresh coconut that gets macheted from a tree for you so that you can drink fresh coconut water - I could go on for hours.

After an exhausting day of pleasure (out on the island) and pain (in the Cruise ship tourist trap city of San Miguel), you have to get back on the ferry and return to Playa del Carmen. On our return trip, we were greeted by a small band that was setting up. The musicians turned out to be a group called "Latinga". Apparently, the ferry people call them periodically and invite them to come on board and try to play drums, guitar, and keyboard while pitching around on the Atlantic Ocean. They do this surprisingly well. They had a great sound, and played Latin favourites that even us gringos can sing along to, like Guantanamera and Bamba, and Oye Como Va. Needless to say, when they asked for tips (because they play for free) I bought their CD. They made the ferry ride so fun, with their great tunes and boisterous good humour. They don't have a web site, but they have an email latin_ga@hotmail.com and cell number listed on the CD. In case you are ever in the Riviera and want to hear a smokin' group of Latin music types.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

SCAMAPALOOZA

There are so many ways to get scammed in this country, it is just absurd, so I will just tell you about a couple that have occurred this week alone.

First, I paid extra for plane ticket seats with extra leg room. We did not get them. No one at Sunwing is sure what to do. I bet they know exactly what to do with my $200. Never get sucked in by the airline upgrade scam unless you are upgrading to FIRST CLASS.

Next was the guy in Playa del Carmen who is set up right where the cab drops you off for the ferry to Cozumel. He has deals for you for your ferry ticket if you also rent a car, and they become almost free if you agree to go to the Occidental for a little tour and some lunch. Time share! Time share! RUUUUUUUUN.

Renting a car on Cozumel has its own pitfalls, and they are MANY. People will try to rent you mopeds and you look around at the Mexican people riding them while carrying groceries, laundry, two babies, and their elderly mother-in-law in the basket, and you think, "I can do this." Take it from me, this may end with your head in a ditch somewhere. I personally was almost made into a Karie Cookie on my first trip by being smashed between two cars. I have seen numerous people bail horrifically. Go for the car. The second time I rented a roofless Jeep from a reputable dealer, like Hertz. That was the advice on the Internet. It was great, so much fun, car worked great, terrific.

This time I reverted back to stupid, apparently. First of all, do not make a pre-arragement while still on the mainland. You have no idea what the cars actually LOOK LIKE. This was my first mistake. So I get off the ferry ride that tries its best to kill you and go to Charlie's Rental. I can not describe fully the nightmare that awaited. An old VW bug, painted bright green to attempt to hide the rust, torn and faded seat covers, won't SHIFT into some of the gears, and won't break without several blocks warning. We drove around San Miguel in it for ten minutes before getting it back to the dealership as fast as possible, where I leapt out of it and started doing the Scary Karie routine, demanding to know if Charlie was trying to get me killed. Anyay, they gave us an ancient top-down Chevy instead that did just fine, but you gotta watch your butt.

On our way to take the car back we had another fun scam attempt. At the gas station, a guy pumped our gas for no time at all, because we had hardly used any - it is not exactly a huge place. He then proceed to tell me I owed him $30 for gas. Again, my other personality took over, since the guy had obviously added our gas onto the guy before us and was trying to make us pay extra. I refused, asked for managers, and finally when I suggested that we call the Policia, the guy said to just give him 10 bucks cash. Off we went to return the car and have an end to that hullaballoo.

We swore on Tuesday not to leave the resort again. Can't afford to!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Violated by a teeny tiny penis

I changed my mind about the blogging due to the super-fascinating experiences I have been having today. I just had the smallest dick ever in my lap. An animation team member - and I have never understood why they are called this, rather than "entertainment team", but whatever - was wandering around trying to get people to have their picture taken with little monkeys. Now I love monkeys, but as this is hardly my first time, I have several Karie and Trained Monkey photos in the archives, and don't need more. Anyway, Jose decides that I look like the kind of girl who likes to hold monkeys. No giggling yet. Anyway, he marches over and places George the Squirrel Monkey directly on my head, which is thankfully being protected by my cowgirl hat. George the Monkey promptly climbs down onto my bare shoulder, and then immediately into my bikini-clad lap. "Oh!" exclaims Jose, "Look, he is a man!" I look down to see that George the Monkey has now flipped onto his back between my thighs and is sporting a mini monkey full hard on which is approximately 2cm long. I immediately proclaim some shocked response and try somehow to back away from an animal that is still positioned in my lap. Jose gets the message at this point I guess because he chooses this moment to try to relieve me of the horny primate. At this point my new boyfriend George the Monkey tries to attack Jose in order to continue his relationship with me and hisses and claws at Jose while trying to burrow further between my legs. Fortunately for all of us, at this point Jose manages to capture George by his little monkey collar before any more erotic escapades can occur and both man and beast make a hasty exit from my part of the beach to try to sell their photos to tourists who have NOT just witnessed a monkey erection in the lap of a slightly disgusted Canadian girl. Good luck, Jose. And George, we will always have Mexico. I shall keep your discarded sunflower seed shell as a memento of our brief, but meaningful time together.



Yikes.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Updates

Okay, I would love to be making daily updates on this blog, but it is all but impossible. It costs $10 per 30 minutes to use Internet in Mexico, or a 3 hour wait in the Sunwing Vacations lineup. Instead, I am going to the gift shop to buy myself a little journal and will keep notes and post photos with my notes when I get home.
I love it here. In my THIRD alternate life, I live here and run a juice place. OUR HOTEL HAS FRESH BEET AND CELERY JUICE!! Juicing has finally come to Mexico! Now they just need to recycle, and all will be perfect.

Monday, December 20, 2010

all-inclusive stories

I have been thinking for a few years about writing a book about surviving all-inclusives. This is my tenth tropical trip in the past five years, and seventh time in the Mayan Riviera, so I starting to feel like I know the ropes a bit. For example, packing. The first time I packed for one of these trips I was an idiot, and I have learned a thing or two. Okay, so before my internet time runs out, here are the essentials: 1. Facecloths. For some reason, you have to be willing to sell a kidney to get clean facecloths every day. This seems to hold true for most properties. I do not know why this is, but now I pack ten. 2. First aid kit. Someone WILL get a weird injury, and you do not want to have to wait in line for bandaids. Whether it is cutting your toes on coral, or doing what I did today, which was slice my hand open on a rusty screw while I was working out on the treadmill, it is a good idea to carry polysporin, bandages, advil, immodium, etc. 3.Books and DVD's and a DVD player. The sun goes down at 5 in the winter. There is only so much you can eat and drink. Then you have to go to your room and see if there is anything interesting on THE English channel. Trust me, take DVD's instead of shoes. 4. Liquid hand soap for the room. I don't know about you, but I hate washing my hands with that nasty bar soap that hotels give you as "an amenity". This time I brought a brand new bottle of Bath & Body Works Japanese Cherry Blossom hand soap, and life is good.

Okay, I am down to 5 minutes, and still need to post. Will update again, as want to remember my thoughts as they come. TTFN. Wish you were here.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Help! Leave comments please. What would you do?

As I sat in Starbucks today, waiting to wish Amber's fiance "Happy Birthday", I suddenly realized that the people one table over were feircely involved in gossiping about someone. My ears tingled when I heard names and situations that I recognized all too well. The subject of the gossip and conjecture happens to be a very close friend of mine, and the woman doing the gossiping is supposedly a good and long-time friend of theirs. I turned around and confronted the big mouth, who immediately denied that she was talking about the same person, and then went silent for several minutes when I turned away. The problem is, the gossiper is now also a huge LIAR, because there is no way that she was talking about anyone else, other than my friend. The gossiper named names and places. And I recognize her from parties and art openings, though she did not recognize me (must have been the furry hat).

So what I need help with is, what do I do now? I was furious and shaking at the time, and all I could do was indignantly stare this woman down as she left Starbucks. Now I want to know, do I tell my friend about this incident? Would you want to know, or would it be too hurtful and I should keep my mouth shut? Help. If I tell, do I wait until after the holidays? What would you want? I am too upset to make the decision myself, and my first instinct is to out this woman.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

A Really F***king Good Friend

My friend whom we shall call *Mark* is a rocker and roller. I completely love him, and here is why:
- He is honest, but not too honest in dressing rooms. For example, he will NOT tell me that something makes me look fat, but he WILL ask me if I would like to try it in another size.
- He always notices when I have had my hair coloured, cut, style, or even washed, and comments on it.
- He understands why I am thrilled when people ask me if I am sick because I look so THIN... ("yes, I am one stomache flu away from my goal weight").
-He can recite several hilarious quotes from pop media on demand and in the perfect social situation so that everyone laughs their ass off.
- He always knows the next great song that is coming up and makes sure we all know it, so that by the time it is climbing the charts we are prepared.
- He makes people who are left out feel included.
- He always knows exactly what to buy you for Christmas or your birthday so that you feel like you have expensive and fashionable taste.
- He always has kind and generous things to say about the people that are driving you to drink.
- He makes everything - even shopping for broccoli - a fun game.
- He knows when to talk, and when not to.
- He doesn't let anyone wallow in despair.
- He has a completely infectious laugh that draws people to him.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Value for Your Dollar

Is it just me, or are we all a little tired of getting...well...shafted. I know this blog is supposed to focus on the positive, so I will try to highlight some things that I think are worth the money spent first.
Every one of my tropical vacations, for example has been worth every penny. Except for the first one, because of the Class 4 hurricane. Even then, there were chocolate swans, so it wasn't a total wash. That's me down there on the right enjoying the ocean in the Dominican. I never met a warm ocean I didn't like - even Puerto Vallarta had its charms, though the most value for your dollar can be found in two places in Mexico: The Royal in Playa del Carmen, where I stayed in the Presidential Suite that is bigger than my house and had a private pool, and this little shanty restuarant on the "wild side" of Cozumel, where they make delicious fish and bring you drinks in a pineapple that looks like a face - Playa Bonita. I have wished to die there both times.
However, some things that have disappointed me this week are as follows:
1. Had my car detailed at Clearwash. For $160.00 they cleaned it outside, waxed it, and shampooed the interior seats and carpets. They also dust the doors and console. This is a lot of money, but it is cold out, and I really didn't want to do all of this myself, like I normally would in the summer. But for $160.00 do you think that they emptied the ash tray? No. And it didn't occur to me to do it because I don't smoke, but SOMEONE does, and apparently there are old smokes in there, that they just left in there. Hmm. If this service cost more like $80, it would be worth it, but I feel a bit ripped off.
2. Very rarely I go get a mani-pedi at a Vietnamese nail place. Why? Because they do the best job and charge a quarter of salon prices. I used to maintain that it was worth it to get everything done by a pro sometimes, and the polish job usually last WAY longer than it would if I had done it. I went this week to VJ Nails in Avenida - a place I have been many times in the past. That was Wednesday. By Friday afternoon both fingers and toes were chipping, and now they look hideous. Seriously? I have had pedicures that last through chlorine, salt water, sand, SPF spray, tanning spray, and still looked great at the END of a vacation. I'm so annoyed. $55 and the polish lasted two days. AND I got welts on my leg from the salt scrub she used on me a little too vigorously. Cool.
3. I am tired of grocery stores being able to leave expired food on their shelves. It is disgusting and should be against the law. I am usually very careful to check dates of dairy or soy items, but this week I went to buy cookies for my play. I was buying large quanitites, so checked the date on one or two and then filled up my cart. When I got back to school, I found an entire container of 24 cookies that was SEVERAL days past its expiration, so obviously couldn't be handed out at intermission.
I guess we are just living in an era when you have to check, request, demand, or throw a temper tantrum if necessary to get what you are promised in a service or for a product. Check clothes to make sure that they are not coming apart at the seems and about to lose buttons. Check that the food hasn't gone bad that you are about to buy. Have your sister paint your toes. Shampoo your own carpets. Make your own lattes so that the espresso is not expired and the milk scorched, or the syrup left out, etc.

Friday, December 3, 2010

So Happy I Could Die

I think my last post was about my students, too. I can't help it though, I am full of love for my babies! Tonight was closing night of The Canterbury Tales. The whole process has been so much f - u - n. I decided this year to STOP taking everything so seriously. This does not lessen my need to control details or my perfectionism, but somehow it has chilled me out all the same. When I started this blog, I said that it was because I was tired of being tied up in knots all the time, and that I was going to look for the Beautiful, Interesting, and Good in things. Well, with the hardest (and most rewarding) part of the school year behind me, I can honestly say that my new determination for joie de vivre has really taken root. What the kids said tonight was everything that I could wish for. They had fun. They learned. And I will be honest, I LOVE that they say they love me because I love them RIGHT BACK. I have always envied the Christmas bonus of people in the Oil Industry, but what better Christmas bonus could I get than 2 bouquets of winter flowers, Callebaut chocolates (OMG I ate four already), Truffles, and the crowning glory - a hand-drawn card full of love notes from my sweetie pies. It's like the Lady Gaga song. I am so happy I could die. I would like to leave with you with the thoughts I shared with the audience tonight, as my arms were filled with hugs and flowers and tears: The media is always reporting stories of teenagers making bad choices. But for every one of those stories, there are hundreds of stories of kids trying to be good people and make the world a better place. I am so privileged that I get to see evidence of this every day at my job. Thank you for supporting these truly great kids in their efforts.

What a totally awesome day all around.

Side note: My neighbours have the most gorgeous Christmas tree. The lights are the colour of the sea on the "calm bathtub" side of Cozumel.

Friday, November 19, 2010

My Students

I love to put pictures in my blogs, but I can't post pictures of students. So whatever. I do have to say though, that tonight I am struck by how awesome my life is, and one of the many reasons is because of my students. Now, I know I complain about teaching all the time. Without a doubt, days and weeks go past when I think about my 97% in Chem 30 and wonder what the hell I am doing teaching high school drama in the first place. When I am getting Botox for example, I watch what Dr. V does for a living, making literally hundreds of dollars an hour, and I get a little wistful about his huge mansion, hottub for 20, endless vacations, etc. I know these details because he tells me. BTW, I haven't had Botox since April. Why? Because I can't afford it. Why? Because I am a TEACHER.

All that is forgotten though during weeks like this one. We had our last rehearsals for The Canterbury Tales this week. I can't explain the total fulfillment of creating a little piece of art with 29 kids, that we are all proud of and are now ready to share with anyone who will listen. It is such a poignant and singular experience, that you have to do it to understand it.

Almost at the other end of the teaching spectrum for me is my cute ESL class. While I work with the best and brightest on the show, and enjoy that experience, I am simultaneously struggling to offer a rewarding program to 19 sweet little ESL kids. This is HARD work. I constantly feel inadequate, boring, and uninspired when trying to come up with activities and lessons that will engage and interest them without intimidating them to death. This semester I think that they sense this. They seem to be rooting for us all to succeed together, come hell or high water. Today I had students who have BARELY SPOKEN all semester, stand up in front of the class and present puppet shows with puppets that they handmade this week. I almost cried - I clapped like a lunatic instead. It adds another flavour of delicious fulfillment to watch the progress of these sweeties.

And not to leave out Drama 30 - they are like my own children, deeply rooted to part of my soul. Even the bad ass ones. And I am not a sugary teacher, so I rarely verbalize these things to my students. I am actually kind of strict and demanding. But I hope and believe that they sense how much I value them and quietly, deperately long for their happiness and success.

Sigh. It's a good job. And I think hot tubs are kind of gross.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

THANKS!!

Thank you Gayle and Karly for the food and love, and everyone who sent love or came to the funeral, or just blew me kisses, BTW. It DOES matter and it DOES help.

No more Grandparents

Suddenly we have had a flurry of deaths in our families. Grandma Olson passed on November 1 at 95 years old. Not from old age - from lung fibrosis - even though she never smoked. I am so damn sick and bloody tired of losing people. But I have to say that she knew who was waiting for her. Am I screwing up by never having babies???????????????

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Engagement + Shooting Range =











Fun. Okay. It may not be what you first think of when you think of getting engaged. But the day Amber and Joe did, the four of us went shootin'. Yeeha!

If you haven't been to Canmore lately...
















...here is what you are missing. This is ACTUALLY from this month.

GAGA







Wow...I am a BAD blogger so far. Can you tell what teaching is like? The minute it was time to go back to work, the blogging CEASED. Trying to get started again. Here are the pics from the Lady Gaga concert Matthew and I went to in Edmonton right at the end of August. It was SOOO much fun and we LOVE the downtown Edmonton Westin. Swanky.



Monday, August 23, 2010

Black Eyed Peas - Fergalicious - Committed




Matt loves the Black Eyed Peas, so off we toddled last night to the concert. We rarely go to concerts, so this was kind of exciting. We had dinner with Ambi and Joe first and then they (blessedly) drove us downtown. We actually had somehow managed to procure decent seats and thank goodness that Matt has been making me listen to the CD's since last fall, because it was fun to know all (or almost all) of the songs.

Not sure if this turned me into an overnight fan, but I did enjoy Fergie a lot. I don't really know enough about rap to appreciate the guys' rap skills, and some of the songs that seem more like they are being shouted than sung make me wonder how on earth these people got so famous (oh, the wonders of marketing). Fergie's got a powerful set of pipes though, and all-in-all it was just good, clean fun. Lots of junior high aged kids with their moms, which I think is so cute. The little girl two seats down from me was crying, for goodness sake. The whole show was surprisingly positive, despite some of their song lyrics which would make you believe otherwise. They instructed the audience to make the world a better place, never give up on their dreams, as long as those dreams contribute to the world rather than destroying it or anyone. I was surprised. No gangsta.

I had a little chat with a security staffer (Saddledome employee). I asked him which crowds are the worst for events and he said by far "metal". He also said that people his age (mid 50's +) are by far the worst behaved at events. To quote, "They are accustomed to smoking whatever they want, wherever they want, and drinking as much as they want wherever they want, from the 70's. They don't like to be told different, either. Younger generations don't think that way at concerts. They do what they are asked." Interesting since everyone always blames teenagers for everything.

We came straight home and bought tickets to Lady Gaga in Edmonton on Thursday night. As this is someone I am more prone to listen to than BEP's, I am STOKED. I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. I just read the Vanity Fair with Gaga on the cover. I can't wait for the outfits and insanity, though I don't suppose her touring show will contain pianos that are part of her outfit, but I can dream...

Lastly, I borrowed Elizabeth Gilbert's newer book from the library. As a huge fan of Eat, Pray, Love (no, I haven't seen the movie) I have been wary of "Committed" as I feared I would not like it as much. I get why it won't be the mega-hit that EPL is, but it is really good. I recommend it to anyone who is married, divorced, thinking about getting married, or thinking about getting divorced, or anyone that ever was married or divorced, or anyone who says that they will never get married or divorced. Basically anyone. It is less inner journey like EPL, and more historical and cultural information that I find absolutely and totally fascinating.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Radium, BC


A couple of weeks ago we loaded up the dog and headed out camping. We did not have a clear idea of where we wanted to go, but we totally scored. I have not been to Radium in years, but it is marvelous. We camped in the National Park at Redstreak Campgound. They charge for fires, but the 8 bucks a day includes ALL THE FIREWOOD YOU CAN BURN. This is significant because hauling firewood is not fun and can be expensive for us urbanites who don't have trees to hew down. Which remindes me of a redonkulously funny quote from Glee to the real estate agent: It's always been my dream to cut down my own Christmas tree. How many Christmas trees will we have in our yard?
Anyhow, our campsite had a gorgeous view of the town, it is close to the hot springs so we went to the hot springs every morning, it had showers (miracle), and was only a 15 minute drive from Invemere. Now apparently if you are disgustingly wealthy and have money to burn, you move to Invemere. There are literally palaces ringing the lake. Several people have private docks with MULTIPLE boats, wave runners, and one that I can only describe as a speedy-looking yacht. I would like to become close personal friends with the people who own the castle that four of the mega-structures around it could have fit into. I would love to go and stay with them each summer. If anyone knows them, please pass on my name to them. I don't eat much and I could easily get lost in that fortress of theirs, so they wouldn't even know I was there.
If you are in Radium and looking for a healthy lunch (because for some reason all the restaurants serve schnitzel exclusively), go to the Prestige Inn. Their restaurant has a "house" salad that is to die for. It is inexpensive, huge and full of delicious ingredients, more like a chef's salad. Also, for breakfast the Melting Pot is delicious AND has gluten-free bread.
Also I plan to go back to that area in the summer to go to Fernie. That place has exploded with small town charm and BC tree-lover lifestyle that I love. There is an organic cafe that is outta sight.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

In Search of Summer


I have been looking for summer for weeks now. To my American and Australian and Mexican freidns who live in places where it is warm: attention must be paid. Do you know how hard it is to find summer in Canada sometimes? And I do not understand it because when we were kids it seemed like summer was hot.
The weird thing is that the time we spent on the coast this year was some of the best weather we have seen. Calgary has been rainy or cold almost every day. The mosquitos are out of control.
Now anyone who knows me, knows that there are two things I hate: Cold and Mosquitos.
We tried to go to Moyie with Mom and Ethan. It seems like a nice place, but the day we got there, in rolls a storm and rain.
I swear to you that I am attracting this crap weather wherever I go. It has been happening for years now. I should go to the Kalahari. I'll make it rain in torrents. I have rain karma. Now some people might see this as a good thing, but not me.
If you are lucky enough to live somewhere that you can get to sunshine fast or inexpensively, declare your gratitude today! Personally over the past seven years I have spent...5 digits or so trying to snatch a few weeks of sunshine. I am off to go sun-hunting again. "Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, Please shine down on me!"

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Geocaching in the Gulf Islands


We just got back from another fun trip to the coast. While we were there we tried geocaching for the first time. Matthew's family kindly agreed to try it, though I think they were a bit skeptical at first. Peter drove us over to Galiano on the motorboat (this picture is from the beach that was our starting point) and Matthew walked to where he could get a cell phone signal. We discovered a cache just 0.5 mi from us, so went off treasure hunting. The closer we got, the more exciting it got. It gives you that little kid thrill. Anyway, after some searching, we actually found the cache, dating at least as far back as 2003. We left something behind and went on our way, to create our own cache elsewhere on the island. This is a really addicitive little hobby, however I am beginning to think that remote locations are a better bet. Matthew and I tried to go out yesterday afternoon on our bikes to do some urban geocaching, but despite going after three separate caches, we came home empty-handed. I think that urban caches get muggled a lot more frequently because people accidentally happen upon them and don't know what they are. Attention geocachers: Please stop attempting tree caches in the city parks. They get stolen. Anyway, if we manage to find urban caches, I will update...

Friday, July 9, 2010

My Affair with Cauliflower







Cauliflower is the next B.I.G. thing! So, a few years ago I read a recipe for people who didn't want to eat sugary starches like potatoes, which basically suggested using cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes. So I boiled one up and tried to mash it and serve it for Thanksgiving or Christmas (don't remember) to Matt's mom. She tried so hard to be nice about it, but we all knew deep down inside that it wasn't the same. I abandoned the cauliflower until about a month ago.
I don't eat dairy or wheat, which makes life a little challenging when it comes to new and exciting foods. I have been getting into juicing and raw foods though, thanks to mom, which has opened up a new world of avacado smoothies with wasabi and such creations. Anyway, I decided to try cauliflower again, now that I have been armed with a new knowledge of how to puree veg.
I boiled a cauliflower and tried to "mash" it for dinner for Matt and I in the blender. I left the blender on a little too long though, and was sad to see that I had turned the "mashed" idea into more like "puree". Matt ate it anyway, as good husbands will try to do for experimental cookers, and near the end of the experience suggested that the goop might make good soup base. I almost leapt off my chair! A few days later, I made this recipe, and was thrilled with myself. It is delicious, it tastes just like a really thick, rich chowder, but it has almost no calories, no wheat, and no dairy. Woo hoo! I can use the same principle now to make corn chowder, cream of mushroom soup, etc. Hallelujah, creamy soups are back in my life.
Karie's Seafood Chowder
Boil 1/2 cauliflower until very tender. Blend until pureed. You may want to add a little water or almond milk, but you don't need to...
Sautee fresh veggies, such as carrots, onions, celery, whatever you like to have in chowder...
In a soup pot, bring 2 cups of broth (I used chicken broth) to a boil. Add the vegetables and let them simmer for a few minutes. Add seasoning or spices that you like. Then throw in about 1/2 a bag of frozen seafood mix, or freshly cooked fish, or whatever. I have used frozen mussels, calamari, clams, octopus, lightly cooked white fish, shrimp, etc. It all works. Simmer for 2-3 minutes, but not too long because you don't want your seafood tough. Remove from heat and stir in pureed cauliflower. Serve. This serve two HUGE bowls full of chowder, or four appetizer-sized bowls.
YUM YUM YUM YUM!!
P.S. KRAFT has launched a new KD that is made from...you guessed it...

Thursday, July 8, 2010




What is this all about? It is a new dog groomer that my fabulous gorgeous sister told me about. This is a picture of me with my little black dog, Scoop, my fantastic sister, her cute honey, and Chica (the corgi chihuahua princess). Why is Muttley Crue on my blog today? Because my dog is bloody difficult and the lady who owns this grooming salon in Bridgeland is totally kind, generous, and talented. She is one of the B.I.G. items from yesterday. She is also gorgeous. I have never seen a more gorgeous pet groomer in all my life.
The other B.I.G. things that happened yesterday are: 1. An old man came up to me and started a conversation with me. How he managed this I will never know because I am SHY about strangers and insecure about making conversation. Most people would not know this about me. I know this because upon watching the video of my last birthday party I realized that I come off as aloof, snotty, and uncaring, when really I am just dying inside to have something funny to say. Anyway, back to the old man, I was re-reading Harry Potter on a bench waiting for my dog to be groomed and this guy will not stop trying to talk to me so I finally look up. Kindest, bluest eyes I have seen on a 70-ish face since my Grandpa died. Best spontaneous chat with a stranger EVER. I hope his surgery goes well and I wish I had asked his name so I could send him flowers or find out if he is ok. That is a lesson. Ask their name when someone changes your life; 2. Mom gave me the B.I.G. idea; 3. I decided to abandon road rage and I did it in rush-hour traffic, with my dog whining, on a drive that should have taken 20 minutes but took over an hour. I was really zen. You have to understand what this means for me. The day before I illegally passed a Lexus on my residential street so that I could get to the dog food store 5 seconds faster. I have not admitted this atrocity to anyone; 4. Because I am now zen in my car, I narrowly avoided killing a man just 2 hours later when I was on my way to try to rent a funny movie at Blockbuster. He was going into the liquor store, looking down at his iPhone. I would have squashed his iPhone, smeared his guts all over his $250 dress shirt, and been on the cover of The Herald, had it not been for the fact that I was practising my new art of courteous driving. Seriously, it is now a game to me to see how NICE I can be while operating a motor vehicle in the Road Rage Capital of Canada; 5. I found the nicest Starbucks barista ever at Bridgeland Starbucks. I know how significant this is, because I have worked at Starbucks and most of the time I just wanted to throw steaming hot cappuccinos into the faces of the customers. Lots of foam is more noticeable when you throw a beverage at someone.