Sunday, July 24, 2011

Impossible

When you hear of someone being impossible, that someone is me. I am absolutely impossible to control, impossible to maintain, impossible to please or make happy for any period of time. I always think I know exactly what I want until I get it and then I somehow lose it. Like a child I am selfish, difficult, and demanding. I am adventurous but then become terrified of the adventure when it is actually happening. I like feeling settled, then the moment I do, I start to hyperventilate and feel trapped. It is almost impossible to maintain any kind of relationship with me, because either my demands, my perfectionism, or my pride will destroy it. I have no idea how to stop this change it, or what to do next. No one knows how to advise me on this because after all, I am impossible. I make rash desicisons constantly, convinced I am doing the right thing, convinced I see the path clearly, then instantly regret them, but find the choice irreversible. I am so frustrated with myself right now, I can barely think straight. I am impossible. Impossible to love.
(This is all ficitonal of course...any relation to those living or dead pure coincidence).

2 comments:

  1. I think you're more impossible not to love, although it may be impossible for you to see it sometimes. (Oh bitter irony...)

    Since there's desire there, it's impossible for you NOT to change, evolve, become, overcome...whatever.

    (these words are non-fictional of course, but do represent a certain bias)

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  2. Oh gosh - go with the anonymous comment above - much more eloquent than myself. :)

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