Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks have made careers trying to convince us that anything can be romantic, including renting videos on a Friday night. That sappy line about how they would never argue about anything except which one to pick as they gaze adoringly into each others' eyes makes me want to scream.
I personally think that having to enter Blockbuster on Thursday - Sunday is completely humiliating. I know, because I just did it. I am having one of "those" Friday nights. Mom left town. Plans with my buddy fell through. My sister doesn't feel like shopping (when does that EVER happen?). And I didn't have time to ease Matthew into the idea of doing anything, because I thought I had more plans than I could handle, and it generally takes three to five days to get him adjusted to the idea of entering any public forum of any kind on Friday. So, I went to the library, but it was closed, looked at the mall, but do not need one more material object in my life, contemplated the Leisure Centre but got queasy at the thought of child pee in my swimming water, and finally headed for the dreaded Blockbuster.
When I am forced to go into a video store on the weekend, here are the things I need to tell myself and/or actually do in order to go in:
1. Even the Sex and the City girls rented a movie in a couple of episodes, so it does not mean I am going to die, fat, alone, un-chic, and eventually be eaten by wild dogs, circa Bridget Jones.
2. I do actually teach a film class, which is totally cool of me, and I can rent something really deep, or Canadian, or French, or a documentary to prove how brainy I am, and that I am not having a lonely Friday. Actually I am doing research for my next semester. Yah, that's it. How often do I select one of those types of films? Umm....
3. I make sure that my former student that works there, is actually working when I go in, because when he is, he loudly talks to me about "what I am directing next" and other phrases that make me sound cool to strangers.
4. I never ever wear sloppy clothes because then I look like I am just picking up movies for my "kids" to watch with the "babysitter" while I go do something fabulous and grown-up, like attend art openings or go dancing. No one needs to know that the "kids" are actually my dog Scoop, and the "babysitter" is me, and the fabulous thing I am going to do is throw the dog's ball and watch videos.
5. I never make eye contact with anyone in there, because the look of shame that passes between us is too much to take. Occasionally I take sidelong glances at others to assess the quality of others at Blockbuster on Friday. Rarely is this reassuring. Generally I think that most of them are adopting the same strategies that I am.
6. I never buy junk food at the video store because THAT would just be TOO MUCH. In fact, I worked out on the treadmill when I got home.
So I survived it this time, but my dignity is barely intact, and I resolve to do one of the following to avoid another Friday at Blockuster:
1. Start volunteering for Amnesty International every Friday from 4pm - 11pm.
2. Join a Women's Lacrosse Team. Anyone know anything about Lacrosse? I like that word. Lacrosse. Anyone know of a team that plays every Friday from 4pm - 11pm? Is upper body strength mandatory?
3. Become a back-combed, boot-wearing, beer wench at the latest Calgary hot spot. Hey, I could avoid Blockbuster AND make tips. I am willing to work Friday from 4 pm - 11 pm.
On a COMPLETELY unrelated note, what is with this Ke$ha character, and why are you people listening to her music? I object to her for the following reasons: 1). She is a try-hard Gaga without the body, face, or voice. As if. 2). Have you seen the VIDEOS? Can you tell me what man would find eyebrows covered in gold spikes and a bra made of broken glass SEXY?? This woman is not daring or cutting edge. She is just a mess. And NOT a hot one. 3). Who actually spells their name using a dollar sign for a letter? Think about it people. This freak show does NOT belong on the top 10 of anything, except I hope shortly, Top 10 Has Been's and Never Were's.
As judgmentally delivered from a girl who is about to enjoy her Blockbuster Selections. Ahem.
I personally think that having to enter Blockbuster on Thursday - Sunday is completely humiliating. I know, because I just did it. I am having one of "those" Friday nights. Mom left town. Plans with my buddy fell through. My sister doesn't feel like shopping (when does that EVER happen?). And I didn't have time to ease Matthew into the idea of doing anything, because I thought I had more plans than I could handle, and it generally takes three to five days to get him adjusted to the idea of entering any public forum of any kind on Friday. So, I went to the library, but it was closed, looked at the mall, but do not need one more material object in my life, contemplated the Leisure Centre but got queasy at the thought of child pee in my swimming water, and finally headed for the dreaded Blockbuster.
When I am forced to go into a video store on the weekend, here are the things I need to tell myself and/or actually do in order to go in:
1. Even the Sex and the City girls rented a movie in a couple of episodes, so it does not mean I am going to die, fat, alone, un-chic, and eventually be eaten by wild dogs, circa Bridget Jones.
2. I do actually teach a film class, which is totally cool of me, and I can rent something really deep, or Canadian, or French, or a documentary to prove how brainy I am, and that I am not having a lonely Friday. Actually I am doing research for my next semester. Yah, that's it. How often do I select one of those types of films? Umm....
3. I make sure that my former student that works there, is actually working when I go in, because when he is, he loudly talks to me about "what I am directing next" and other phrases that make me sound cool to strangers.
4. I never ever wear sloppy clothes because then I look like I am just picking up movies for my "kids" to watch with the "babysitter" while I go do something fabulous and grown-up, like attend art openings or go dancing. No one needs to know that the "kids" are actually my dog Scoop, and the "babysitter" is me, and the fabulous thing I am going to do is throw the dog's ball and watch videos.
5. I never make eye contact with anyone in there, because the look of shame that passes between us is too much to take. Occasionally I take sidelong glances at others to assess the quality of others at Blockbuster on Friday. Rarely is this reassuring. Generally I think that most of them are adopting the same strategies that I am.
6. I never buy junk food at the video store because THAT would just be TOO MUCH. In fact, I worked out on the treadmill when I got home.
So I survived it this time, but my dignity is barely intact, and I resolve to do one of the following to avoid another Friday at Blockuster:
1. Start volunteering for Amnesty International every Friday from 4pm - 11pm.
2. Join a Women's Lacrosse Team. Anyone know anything about Lacrosse? I like that word. Lacrosse. Anyone know of a team that plays every Friday from 4pm - 11pm? Is upper body strength mandatory?
3. Become a back-combed, boot-wearing, beer wench at the latest Calgary hot spot. Hey, I could avoid Blockbuster AND make tips. I am willing to work Friday from 4 pm - 11 pm.
On a COMPLETELY unrelated note, what is with this Ke$ha character, and why are you people listening to her music? I object to her for the following reasons: 1). She is a try-hard Gaga without the body, face, or voice. As if. 2). Have you seen the VIDEOS? Can you tell me what man would find eyebrows covered in gold spikes and a bra made of broken glass SEXY?? This woman is not daring or cutting edge. She is just a mess. And NOT a hot one. 3). Who actually spells their name using a dollar sign for a letter? Think about it people. This freak show does NOT belong on the top 10 of anything, except I hope shortly, Top 10 Has Been's and Never Were's.
As judgmentally delivered from a girl who is about to enjoy her Blockbuster Selections. Ahem.
Thanks for this post. It really made me laugh. And you need to tell Matt that the reason we girls get married is so that we always have plans on the weekend and don't have to go to video store by ourselves!!!
ReplyDeleteWait a minute. I remember many fun evenings years ago going to the local video store with you and other roomates - and we always had a blast watching the show and hanging out after. So sad. Maybe I've just been in denial all these years - thinking we were ALL having fun, when in reality, sadly - it was just me :)
ReplyDeleteRachael, all of the above does not count when you are in the video store WITH someone. Especially hot friends/roommates, such as yourself. Then it is clearly a PARTY. Remember the Valentine's Party? Those pics are so cute. We all look so...fresh.
ReplyDeleteAh...good. My ego is back :)
ReplyDelete